promised · me · the · moon · & · stars,

As if anyone really doubted that I would, I got my job back at 36th yesterday. My first bartending shift was downstairs & Third Strike, a local classic rock cover band, played. It didn't get busy, though, and I made less than 20 bones. But bartending hourly wages are less pathetic than servers', not to mention I just sat on my ass and watched people rock out while getting paid. I work again tomorrow, which is excellent, since Mondays have really picked up there. They were decent before, but now it's crazy. I am so proud of the way that Dave and Jules are handling the business.
Am also thinking about joining Mariz at the GR library part-time, just to have some extra cash (and read tons of books for free). Besides, I could maybe fool myself into thinking I was accomplishing SOMETHING by upping my dosage of books. We shall see.
I must go now, kids, and shower. Noshville's coffee won't drink itself.

Cheers.

When somebody fucks you in the ass repeatedly, and this is a sensation you have never grown fond of, why, oh why, would you keep letting it happen?
Seems like this girl, who was busy being the Enforcer, has forgotten the vast amounts of ass fucking she herself has done. This situation made her look like an asshole? Oh, no, my friend. YOU made yourself look like an asshole. That 300 went missing. I owe Katie $500 by the 15th. Or I will be sued...again. Much like Jenkins. Remember THAT, friend? And if you don't show up to an out of state court date, you automatically lose. Ouch.
Well, this time around, I will keep some resolve and stay away. Some people just burn you but good.
In other news, I am happy to be HOME. Really, truly, HOME.

This is fast becoming a log of an obsession, but since it is MINE (and no one reads it anyway), I don't give a fiddler's fart.
Yes, it is true. I miss The Boy already. Crammed 9 long months into two short days & I am left with merely fond memories & one helluva chin rash (goddamn beards). Says maybe he'll be in town this weekend & I really hope he's not joking. Waiting another 20some odd days seems cruel.
Blah.
In other news, I cannot wait to visit my homies in MI. That's where the 20some odd days comes in. I am going the last week of September...wait! Fuck! I don't know if that's even worth it, dammit. I just remembered the wedding is Oct. 9th... maybe I will just wait until then to go visit. Damn. That's even WORSE. Yeah, so I suppose I am not visiting until early October. But when I do, it will rock my face right off.
I miss my friends...and my sister...and my nephew...and my mom...and everyone else, one in particular.
Well, I am going to and attempt to sleep.
Cheers, kids.

Has been a very good last few days.
Made awesome money Saturday night, then experienced a taste of what Chicago has to offer (thanks, Tim, for taking this girl out on the town). Woke with righteous headache and empty belly Sunday, spent the day trying to get rid of the gut rot. Jake came into town and has decided to stay on another night.
Close next Friday, then a double on Saturday (game day). Things are turning around.

I really hate to be that girl that moves to the big city and acts like an asshole about her hometown, but I cannot help but be enthusiastic about the changes that are already taking place. It's not so much railing against MI, but rather embracing what Chicago has to offer. Since I have gotten here, I've been mostly sober, have read more, have lost weight, have written more, have become less inhibited (and I'm not talking about drinking away my reserves), etc. etc. I want to do things with my life other than fall into a doomed relationship or 12 and pass the time in between break-ups with beers. I am thinking of travel, of books I haven't yet read, of museums, of shows, of my mental well-being. I'm not hurting anyone, no one is hurting me. My job is easy (unless the following days will bring drastic changes to the overall environment) and I will seemingly make good money. I am just so relieved that FOR ONCE IN MY SHORT LIFE, my self-destructive side didn't jump in and sabotage another opportunity. I'm young, yes, but fate only doles out so much to people who refuse to pay attention and seize the day.
I miss my friends and family very much, but I think that they understand how badly I've needed to get out.
Well, I suppose that is enough blather for now. I shall leave you with these words:
"Life is short, in spite of your plans
So tell the girls they're pretty while ya can
Cuz one day they're gone
and all ya got left
Some empty bottles and old country songs"
If you aren't a Lucero fan, shame on you.

Am listening to Kid A and it makes me think of Jenkins. I used to listen to this CD damn near every night to fall asleep. Also, it makes me think of Dan, as he is the one who burned me a copy of this CD. I ran into him again the other night. He was coming home with some friends and I was waiting outside for Noodles to come out and go on a stonie walk. He paused at the door, waiting, I think, for me to notice him. I did, and gave an awkward little wave and "Hey". He paused, then said, "Hi". I guess that's a sign of progress. It's terrible how people treat their exes, really. Myself included. They shared so much with you--those long talks into the wee hours of the morning, laughter, a bed, inside jokes, etc.--and it always ends the same. Awkward, uncomfortable, sad. Little pieces of yourself scattered around to these beautiful people that it just didn't work out with. And if you could, you'd take back the memories, too. Carve out those little images of you from their brain tissue and walk out the door with them. But I digress. Back to the original train of thought. I guess Dan is slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am here, and giving Renee less hell for it. This is good. I am not the same person I was at 19. I didn't mean to hurt him, I just fell in love with someone much better suited to me. I don't regret leaving Dan for Luke at all, but I regret the hell that I put him through. Maybe someday the three of us can hang out and it will be all good. I hope so.
In other news, I think that the move is doing me good. It's nice to be isolated from things that will get you into trouble. I loved my job at 36th South, but it definately kept me in a rut. A vicious cycle of working, drinking, working, drinking, etc. Being sucked into relationships that are chugging right along toward a big heap of nothing. Wasting all my brain cells because a lucid thought is too hard to deal with. Now that I am here, I am learning things about myself and dealing with my own fucking issues. Nobody's baggage but my own, and liking it that way. I miss everyone terribly and one person in particular (but that's been a long time thing, so no worries), but I can't go back now. I've made my bed and no one's happier than me to lie in it.

After 10 long days, I finally found a job! I am currently employed at Victory Liquors, a pub on Halsted & Wrightwood. Casual atmosphere, cheap-ish beers. My boss seems really laid back and cool. I start on Saturday. :)

Wow, my last entry was...pathetic. That's what happens when Yenny hits the sauce in a strange town and her roommate goes to bed, leaving Yenn with computer access and inner demons galore. Six beers and a soggy pillow will find me no more.
Dancing around the edge of a fire is SO my style, but after saying "Yes", my sensible side (the one I keep in a dusty box labeled "Junk" in the attic of my mind) is pissed off at me. I don't know if I do these things to feel ANYTHING (which is so much better than nothing at all), or if I'm just living in a fucktarded fantasy world where everything will come together very nicely in the end after lots of plots twists & general debauchery. Because, in my 23 years of experience, I've never seen this Happily Ever After that people speak of. Maybe you need a card or something to get into that club.
Ahhh, well. Enough self-indulgent blather.

The facts:
-Interviewed Thursday, know if hired later today.
-I miss coffee.
-I'm losing weight already.
-I want beer.
-I cannot wait to start working. Brain's turning to mush and the wallet is thin.
-Miss the fam & friends.

listening to against me!, sustaining the whoa, but only marginally.
my heart is anywhere but here.
fuckin a.
i fucking walk the streets and try to get a vibe but i feel so fucking lonely.
we all talk, but it's not the same.
i still go to bed feeling the same person.
twin mattress, lyin on the floor. so honestly, and yet...
got no game, got no game, etc.
it's really okay because i havent felt anything worth lying about since nam. goddamn i'm old and not even really. i hate her. she stinks of penis radar and cigarettes. hahahahahahaha. hello, kettle, pot calling. but for real. grrr. wanna punch her in the uterus. when my girl called and said what was up, my darling little beer tummy dropped. cocaine and soda, playing tetris in our underwear. fuck that bitch. grrrrr. i doooooon't knoooooowhoooo i am.
all i know is i;m out of my fucking element, flatbroke, and goddamn hopeful, despite it all.

cant get much worse, right> heh

Wyoming: Bad habits. Staying up too late, neglecting what's right in favor of what's right now, depression, regression, pathetic drunk-dialing to people who haven't given a shit in ages (if ever), re-reading worn love letters from lovers long lost, whining and dining, stagnance.
Chicago: Fresh start. Annonymity, exciting night life, lots of ME time (see: working on my record collection instead of drinking away entire paychecks just to get out of the house), concrete jungle, air conditioned apartment, MIA BFF, the possibility of something different & wonderful.

On Sunday, I will leave everything I've ever known. The family, the friends, the job, the neighborhood. I will be thrown into the big city, with a job lined up and a roommate I've only come to know slightly through Myspace & the phone.
But if I don't get out now, I'll regret forever the decision. I can't put down roots in Wyoming before I've ever even felt like I possessed wings. So here I go, fair LJ community. Time to sink or swim.

OK, so I lied, apparently. Work is only like two miles away. Sure feels a lot further in this heat, though.

I'm hungrier than I've been in a long time. A couple beers and some beef jerky have kept me from fainting the last couple days.

Tattoo is finished. I love Bert long time. I also love rainbows and long walks on the beach. I'd settle for a cheeseburger, though.

Today was nice.

Even though it's not Christmas, this is still funny.

We've just picked each other clean apart. Two people, sharing one house and yet maintaining two completely separate agendas. One sleeps in the bed, the other takes the couch. Scarcely a kind word spoken between the two in ages...
There's no getting back to good.

He asked me if I wanted to see other people.
Baby, I don't even want to see you.

Fuck.

Been sitting around the Reiser homestead and have come to the conclusion that I need to re-establish bonds with my girlie friends. Problem being that I am currently unemployed and have nothing to offer. Cannot even go out and grab a beer just yet.
But if you are happy with bad television and some girlie blathering, give me a call.

<3 Yenny

Last night was positively delicious. I've been staying in a lot lately, seeing as how
a) I'm trying to clean up my act a bit
b) I've got a precious new nephew to hover over and creep out
and c) I'm unemployed and consequently, broke as SHIT.
So getting to go out to Mulligan's and get shitty was a nice treat. My darling dear, Darcy picked me up and bought me a Stew and split a pitcher with me, and by the time it was gone, our table had six people at it. Hippie Jeff, Dan, and two newcomers from Colorado, Jeff & Tara. We drank many beers and sang along to Type O Negative. Well, I sang along, anyway. Josh Giebel came up to me and I screamed at him for calling me fat, then hugged him. Because I'm a fucktard and he managed to hurt my feelings, despite the fact that he's just as puffy as me, plus has a stupid haircut. All in all, 'twas a great night.
I woke up today with the morning light to Brandon's Beavis-y crying. It makes me smile.

If anyone knows of anything hella cheap to do tonight, I've got the whole night off. Ha ha.

Well, kiddies, I am an auntie!!! Little Brandon Atticus Altman was born Tuesday night @ Spectrum. Seven lbs., 13 ounces, 20 and a half inches long. Beautiful baby, but what were you expecting? Kid's got (mostly) good genes. Got his mama's lips and nose, no big curly hair though. He sort of mews rather than cries, and sometimes it's hiccupy and weird and he sounds like Beavis. I absolutely adore him already, but I'm trying to stay away for awhile so that Kelli can actually have mother/son time. I watched the birthing process, and it sure seems like she got lucky. Watching Special Delivery and all that other horseshit on TV makes childbirth look like the worst thing a woman could ever experience, but Kelli seemed to do alright. I'm still in no hurry for one of my own, though. I saw a head come out of a vagina. It sort of scared me.
In other news, living back with the 'rents isn't so bad after all. I've got the upstairs room, so I'm away from everyone else. Internet got turned back on and I've got my janky ass laptop set up and everything. There's cable and actually food in the fridge, so I feel as though I'm movin' on up as opposed to backtracking. I've cut drastically back on the drinking and am in the process of finding a new job. Put in a few different apps today, so we shall see. Yep... just been chillin at home, watching TV and reading. Hanging out with the fam and sleeping. Good times.
Total pisser that I'm broke tonight, though, because I've gone to Mulligan's for Thirsty Thursday the last couple weeks and had a blast. Ahhh, well. Sitting home has not killed me yet.
Y'all have a good night.

My tentative X-Mas list for 2006:
*new tattoo
*plaid, red, or olive green peacoat
*Peter Sarsgaard
*red patent leather peep toes
*cool jewelry
*night out @ one of the following places: Mongolian BBQ, the bowling alley (of your choice, as long as it is smoking), Juke's, Mulligan's, or the Beltline Bar
*a Cadillac, preferably an older model in tip-top shape
*carton of Camel Lights
*new record player
*Golden Girls on DVD, seasons 4-6
*a Target credit card
*my own apartment, paid for by you
*a Sephora gift card
*pretty much all of the pretty under-panty-things in the latest Victoria's Secret catalog
*yummy scented candles
*vintage rock t-shirts
*Roseanne DVDs
*Taco Bell gift cards
*beaded curtains

there will probably be revisions/additions, so check in often.

Love,
Jenn